Maintaining a Friendship in Divorce

Maintaining a Friendship in Divorce


Too many people think that a divorce must end bitterly and seemingly look for reasons to have a bitter divorce. However, this doesn’t need to be the case whatsoever. If you are going through a divorce, it is hard enough to deal with the pain of the separation, why make it more painful than it needs to be?

Divorcing your spouse doesn’t have to be a time of bliss but it doesn’t have to be a bitter fight either. While it may be hard to see what you ever found appealing about your spouse, remember at one time there was love. Even though love may have evolved into discontentment, you have no reason to try to make a painful situation worse than it needs to be. You can go through a divorce as painless as possible if you can remember to take into consideration the other person’s feelings.

Try to think of ways to make the divorce as friendly as possible. If you have children, invite your spouse over for dinner and have a meal as a family unit. If your children are involved in sports, still sit together at sporting events and maintain a connection of sorts for the sake of the children.

Divorce is never easy but mature adults with a good psychological balance can maintain a lifetime friendship even after the demise of the marriage. After all, with or without children from the marriage, you will always have some sort of connection to one another.

If you have in-laws that you are particularly fond of, try maintaining the friendship and love that you have with your spouse’s family. If you were close to members of his family, you can still keep them close to your heart, but know when to back away. When the time comes and your ex chooses to take another significant other home to meet the family, respectfully remember your new position as the ex.

The flip side of the in-law coin is of course true relief if you didn’t get along with your spouse’s family. If you had a controlling father or monster in-law then there is no reason for you to feel like you must continue that relationship with your ex-spouse’s family. In fact, if you have children, it is perfectly OK to cut all ties with the in-laws and respectfully ask the court to mandate that the ex-spouse be responsible for all connections to his or her family where the children are involved.

If your spouse is particularly hurt by a divorce which you initiated, then take the time to call and check on them from time to time. However, don’t lead them into false hope. And if you initiated the divorce, never sabotage a brewing new relationship your ex may have started. Even if you initiated the divorce, a new love interest may stir feelings you never expected, such as jealousy and rage. However, keep the reasons you chose to divorce in clear focus.

Divorcing Your Best Friend

Divorcing Your Best Friend


Nothing could be worse than a divorce except when you know that you are divorcing your best friend. Not only are you losing your spouse but you are losing the person who you confide in, do fun activities with and have known for most of your adult life. What do you do and how do you move on?

First, you must realize that it is over. The friendship as you knew it is gone. The marriage, for whatever reason didn’t work out and the friendship is no longer possible. At least on the level of where it was prior to marriage and divorce. However, there is no reason why you can’t move on and still remain friends.

Many divorces end in friendships but you just have to know where to draw the line so that the friendship doesn’t prohibit one or both parties from moving on into a productive romantic relationship. Sometimes, both people can move on with understanding significant others who understand the odd relationship of a continued friendship among ex-spouses but sometimes they can not and will not agree to a situation which involves outings with an ex.

While divorcing your best friend can be very painful for each person, it is important to move on separately if at all possible. You can still do things together if you are determined to make a friendship work but recognize that this is going to be on a different level and that other people will eventually be a part of the friendship unit.

Discussing your divorce openly and deciding together as a couple separating and as friends , how you would like to see the relationship in several months and several years down the road can help prevent hurt feelings later on after the divorce.

Divorcing your spouse should never be taken lightly. However, if you are divorcing a childhood friend where families have been lifelong friends, then you have many people to consider and relationships to protect.

Marriage counselors can often help you resolve the underlying problems which you may not know exist in the marriage if you aren’t sure you want to divorce. In fact, before you throw away years in the making of a relationship and a marriage, seek counseling and advice from someone who can help you put things into perspective. It may also help to talk to your families together if you think your marriage can be saved. Often, when you are dealing with a lifetime of history together, it is most painful to discard a marriage.

Remaining friends is probably inevitable if there are family connections but both people in the marriage must figure out a way to get past the dissolution of the marriage once other people become involved after the final divorce. Planning ahead will keep everyone involved happy and emotionally prepared for the future. And you most certainly don’t want to hurt the person you must’ve loved the majority of your lifetime.

Keep Your Mind Off of Divorce

Keep Your Mind Off of Divorce


So, you are going through a divorce? Congratulations! Or wait a minute, a condolence may be what you are after. You’re not going to get it, so now is the time to move on with your life and dust the sand off of the seat of your pants and get moving because you have a lot of ground to cover to start moving past your divorce.

First, you need a new you. That’s right a new you! What a great time for a make-over and spa treatment. You need a manicure, a pedicure, and a massage and you need it quick. Call a hair salon and get ready for a new divorce hair-do. Tell the stylist to make it cute, sexy and stylish because you are about to embark on your new life and self-pity isn’t in the program!

Secondly, after you have your new make-over, it’s time to get busy and start planning a fitness program. Without a hungry spouse to feed, you have no more excuses for late, fattening dinners. And you now have time to join a gym which should be your first stop after you leave the beauty salon.

Next on the list is to make sure all mementos of your spouse go in an ex-spouse file or drawer or box. No reason to keep these things hanging around because that is in the past. Understandably, if you have children this may not be possible, but the kids can keep the pictures in their own rooms. You are ready to move on and no reason to have a shrine of your ex all over the house.

After the basic housekeeping is over, double check with a financial advisor and be sure that you are capable of standing on your own two feet, if not you need to learn how to stand on your own feet and some financial planning is certainly in order. You need to plan for any unexpected measures too. Also, you are entitled to your ex’s social security should something happen to him or her so you need to make sure you understand how that works because if you are the victim of adultery, you may not ever want to re-marry for the simple fact that you stand too much to lose financially. See what the requirements are for getting your hands on the dough when the old buzzard kicks the bucket.

Yes indeed, you are going to go straight through this divorce without any emotional problems, without self-pity, without any difficulty whatsoever. You are a survivor and you’ll divorce like the true survivor that you are and with no regrets.

Divorce doesn’t have to be a gloomy time. Do what it takes to move past it and get on with your life pronto! You want to start living and stop feeling sorry for yourself and the best way to do that is to think positively. And if you crash one day, just bounce back into Pro-Divorce mode the next.