Divorce and Abusive Spouses

Divorce and Abusive Spouses


Divorcing your significant other is usually brought on by irreconcilable differences. No matter what the explanation is in a court room, the reason is still irreconcilable differences. Think about it, even if your spouse became physically or mentally abusive, you are divorcing your spouse over differences of opinion. He or she wants to abuse you and you don’t want to be abused, so there you have it; irreconcilable differences. While abuse is fine to cite if you don’t have children, why not just quote something general such as the irreconcilable differences if you have children?

Abusive spouses normally become very dangerous when their significant other airs the dirty laundry in a court room by citing abuse. Sure, you have rights too but realize that you are asking to open a can of worms if you want to drag your spouse into the spotlight by citing abuse. However, there are circumstances which are unavoidable where you may need to divorce by citing abuse. If there are police records proving domestic violence, then divorcing under the pretenses of abuse is necessary.

Still, divorcing your spouse when children are involved needs to be handled with kit gloves. While the underlying reason that you may be divorcing is ultimately because of abuse, there’s no reason whatsoever to mentally abuse the children of the marriage by giving the details of the abuse in an open courtroom for all to witness. Have some pride and try to avoid the details for the sake of your children.

While abuse is a very real problem in marriages today as in years past, adults must take some responsibility. Most abusive marriages escalate over a period of time and once it starts, it normally doesn’t quit. If a relationship turns abusive, smart adults leave the relationship immediately. However, if adults choose to remain in an abusive relationship or more specifically, a marriage, then it becomes more difficult to leave the relationship.

Abused spouses can easily cite an irreconcilable difference if they leave the marriage immediately after the abuse starts especially if police reports haven’t started to mount up. If children are involved, then smart adults need to think of their children and leave while leaving is a viable option.

Abusers don’t want to be tagged as an abuser, so try to leave as silently as possible and seek outside help from community resources and family as well as friends. If you have a trusted mutual friend you may be able to encourage them to lighten the sting of the divorce by encouraging your spouse to find other interests.

Divorcing a spouse when abuse is the reason must be done quickly and as painlessly as possible. Even if you are angry and want to embarrass your spouse, try to be level headed rather than foolish and keep the lines of communication open with kindness rather than with bitterness. You want to safely leave the marriage, so act like it. If you provoke your spouse, a war zone is likely to develop and then you would have only yourself to blame.