I Divorced My Parents

I Divorced My Parents


Three years ago, I opened my door to a little boy who lived down the street who was teary-eyed and obviously upset. He was lugging his Going to Grandma’s House Duffle bag and that was a sign in itself but I had actually already been notified by the little boy’s mom down the street and was expecting his arrival. Immediately I inquired, “what’s wrong Peyton?”

As his tears began to roll down his cheek, he informed me of what I was expecting all along. “I’m going through a divorce.” Trying to keep a very straight face, I asked him, “honey, who are you divorcing?” He told me he couldn’t tell me so I just invited him in for milk and cookies.

While we were indulging in chocolate chip cookies, I tried to talk to him again, “Peyton, I don’t remember getting an invitation to your wedding, who did you marry?” He started to laugh and I informed him that I was certain I would remember if I had attended a five year old boy’s wedding. He laughed harder then he grew quiet. “I’m divorcing my parents, and don’t try to talk me out of it because I want to be your little boy.” Oh boy, did I need to fix this quickly.

“Peyton, you don’t want to divorce your parents, why do you think that?” I watched for any inclination that he might just be throwing a tantrum and expecting his mom to come through the door at any moment. He drank down a last gulp of milk and then picked up his bag, “we’ll talk about this later, it’s my nap time, and can I share a room with you?” I quickly and gently went back to the other subject at hand, “Peyton, first let me tell you why you don’t want to leave your mom and dad, and why I know you don’t want to live here with us.”

“I’m sleepy and need my nap,” he persisted. Seeing a prime opportunity,
“We don’t take naps here Peyton, right now is the time when we do chores.”
He quickly asked what kind of chores and I found a damp rag and explained to him that today was baseboard and windows day and that we would be cleaning baseboards and windows. He wasn’t amused and still focused on which room would be his and where he should lay down for his nap.

After much discussion about naps and chores, Peyton was very convinced that he still would be staying with me at my house and divorcing his parents. I clearly had lost my ability to negotiate with five year olds. Finally, I decided he could lie down on the couch for a nap. When he woke up his mom was waiting for him to take him home and he seemed glad to go. She later told me that Peyton had decided he felt very sorry for my children because they had too many chores to do when they should be able to take naps.